Crime

The May 29 incident that saw a furious Kabaddi-4 actor Miruna Magar slap a Buddhist monk called Phurba Tamang, who allegedly molested or bad-touched her, left me equally disturbed too. For, like Magar, I too have experienced bad-touching and molestations – and that too doing such a simple thing as going about my daily life by traveling on a public bus. That’s something most residents of Kathmandu valley do on a regular basis.

Tamang reportedly denied having bad-touched her, but actor Magar’s June 2 statement says that he didn’t only accept that he did “inappropriately touch” her but also “unreservedly apologised for the misbehaviour”. The incident angered many victims like Magar and me, as much as it has angered Buddhist Lamas spread across the Himalayas from Nepal to Sikkim, India, where the government was forced to ban the movie.

The incident that Miruna experienced, I think, is relatable to many. Including me, a 21-year-old journalism student, currently interning at NepalMinute. Initially, I didn’t want to recall what I went through, but later I thought, sharing this would help hundreds of girls and women like me to speak up and break the silence surrounding such incidents.

My story

After a Saturday afternoon outing to Narayanghat, Chitwan, four years ago, in 2018, I remember myself returning home to Parsa bazaar in eastern Chitwan on a crowded bus. Then I must have been 17-year-old, studying in Grade 11 or 12. I didn’t want to get inside the bus, but didn’t have any option because we have to return home soon. Once inside, one man grabbed my waist. He looked like 20 or 21 years old, a tall man with curly hair. Because I wanted to protest, I craned my neck and tried to look at him, but he didn’t stop.

Without looking back at me, again he touched my hand and held it firmly. I felt very uncomfortable and helpless. After the crowd thinned, I managed to free myself from his clutches. Tears welling up in my eyes, I felt victimized. I told my friends about it who tried to comfort me saying ‘don’t worry, such incidents happen…’ but I couldn’t muster any courage to share about it with my parents.

Neither could I stop traveling by public bus as I didn’t have any other option – as a middle-class young girl of a family that migrated to Kathmandu from the southern district of Chitwan recently - obviously for a better life and better opportunities. But that incident taught me to remain extremely careful at all times, especially in crowded areas like buses and crowded bazaars of Kathmandu.

Yet things did change much.

My friend's story

Two years later, in 2019, on a chilly December evening, one of my close friends experienced something probably even worse that what I experienced inside a crowded Chitwan bus. She told me that the incident happened when she was returning home to Kalanki area from Baneshwor in the capital Kathmandu.

A day after the incident, she told me what she went through in our college canteen. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she started narrating her harrowing experience in an over-crowded bus: “A man of about 30 years age was standing behind me. He looked dark and looked like a labour. He was just touching me with his hands and, using his body, constantly pushing against me from behind. It went on for a long time. I didn’t have any courage to protest against him, so I forced myself out of the crowd and got off the bus at Tripureshwor.”

Then, she said, even when it was getting darker, she started walking towards Kalanki, a distance of around three kilometres. Just like me, I realised, my friend too didn’t muster the courage to strike at the attacker then and there. 

After I tried to comfort her, she sipped some tea from her cup and continued: “Throughout the entire journey, I just couldn’t stop crying. I talked to my parents about it, but they became very disturbed too. They suggested that I should have protested and shouted and punched the attacker then and there.”

They also suggested her to “never be afraid of anybody and speak up so that such attackers can never ever dare to molest or bad-touch any other girl or women in future.” Then, we agreed, that the longer we keep our mouths shut, the longer we will suffer.

But Kabaddi-4 actor Magar didn’t stay silent and immediately slapped the person who, she seemed sure, was the offender. That incident kicked up a heated controversy which appears to be gradually settling down. But, I fear, such incidents of bad-touches or molestation girls and women in crowded places won’t stop overnight.

During the course of my research for a news story on the topic I gathered many testimonials from girls and women who use public transport such as bus, microbus and auto rickshaws to commute to and from work. The stories were not very different from what I or my friend experienced:

Sarda Khanal (name changed), 51, working woman: 

“It was 15years back I was returning home from work around 6:30 PM. Usually at this hours buses are full. Fearing no other vehicle would arrive I got into heavily crowded bus.  Been pushes and lack of a breathing space isn’t uncommon in a crowded vehicle. What might have been excused as an unintentional mistake soon became a nightmare. I tried to talk about the incident to my husband but he just shut me down and Told not to share with anyone. 

Nabina Rajbhandari (name changed), 24, Bhairahawa, currently in Kathmandu for higher education: 

it was a nightmare, I flew from Pokhara to Kathmandu the person next to me was about my father age. He was sweet and polite towards me but also keep touching me I could see his ulterior motive. When I was asleep, that uncle was touching my chest and hand I just froze with fear. I didn’t react because I was afraid.

Sita Roka (name changed), 17, student, Kathmandu: 

“I was returning home from Kathmandu with my cousin and his family. I was around 15 and he was 20. When I fell asleep, he touched my thigh, grabbed and slowing touched my chest. Suddenly woke up and couldn’t react. But I shared it with my sister and mom but didn’t believe me and told me not to react.  

***

With such being the situation, one wonders, what are members of the police force doing to stop it all and to book those who commit such crimes? When approached to find out more, an official at the Women Cell of Kathmandu District Police Office didn’t want to be quoted by name.

But she said, “You see, cases of rape, domestic violence, theft and other crimes are common. But complaints against bad-touch or molestation are very very rare.” She attributed that for the “culture of silence” which forces women to tolerate injustice and hush up things for fear or “social stigma.”

She added, “I understand how it feels, but most girls and women choose to remain silent. If they come to us and talk about it it’s our duty to move their case and help them fight for justice.”

The 'Safety Pin' campaign

Yet police have not lodged any case against anybody charging them with sexual harassment stemming back touch and molestation. To prevent bad-touching and molestation in public places and vehicles, Nepal Police in August 2, 2017 launched what it called a ‘Safety Pin’ campaign and even mobilized plain-clothe police personnel in buses. 

In the process, 120 people had been arrested, out of them 44 were formally charged while 83 were handed over to relatives, according to Metropolitan Police Office.

Months later, that campaign stopped. And now I think, things look back to square one. And I don’t feel safe, especially in crowded areas. But I’m glad actor Miruna Magar, at least, dared to break the silence.

As she’s clearly written on her June 2 Instagram post, “I am extremely touched by the stories of similar incidents that so many of you have reached out to share with me. I commend you for gathering the courage to do it. Never suffer in silence. Take a stand and fight against what is wrong, no matter how difficult it may seem.

"There is no wrong time to do the right thing."